That’s a misconception that believes in a transactional view of sin and forgiveness, where if we don’t confess the sin of suicide after it takes place, it can’t be forgiven. However, what I heard was, “Your dad wasn’t strong enough to handle his stroke and depression, so he took his own life.” What was meant as a well-intentioned “You can handle this” sounded more like “Your dad couldn’t handle it.”ĭo Christians who die by suicide go to hell?Ĭhristians often assume that suicide is an unforgivable sin and that those who die by suicide automatically go to hell. One relative gave the “If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger” line. Those who offered verses like Romans 8:28 or said that “God has a plan,” while well-intentioned, felt painful. Statements and questions like “Tell me about your father” or “What do you want to remember about him?” help the griever reflect on the life and-not just the death-of the loved one. The most helpful people were those present with us who didn’t seek to give us pat answers and quick fixes. That was a tremendous statement of mourning with those who mourn and grieving with those who grieve. We had only been attending our church less than a year, but my pastor at the time and his wife drove seven hours to Minnesota (from Illinois) to come to the funeral. How did your community reach out to you after your father’s suicide? We need to be careful of these self-destructive responses and have our community keep an eye on us. They may stand holding a gun looking in the mirror or on a balcony ledge, trying to figure out what was going on in their mind. Some grievers turn to alcohol or drug use, while others may actually try to reenact their loved one’s steps. But we have to beware more self-destructive responses to a loss. This anger is normal, and we shouldn’t try to shut it down. But in this case, the murderer is the loved one, so we grieve him and rage against him at the same time, leaving us conflicted and exhausted. We also feel conflicted because if it had been a murder we could rage against the murderer. This is something wrong about my family, something wrong about my loved one, and I don’t want to talk about it because it’s shameful. Why didn’t I see this coming? Why didn’t I do something to prevent it? So they feel guilty that they weren’t able to stop it. Those who have lost a loved one to suicide often feel at fault. For grievers, there are any number of emotions that are common, whether it’s anguish, pain, or survivor’s guilt and shame. So it’s important to realize that this grief will strike you in many different ways. LifeWay Research: 1 in 3 Protestant Churchgoers Personally Affected by Suicide In processing a suicide, there is no easy path to peace and the grief journey cycles through all sorts of different feelings and emotions. The grief of losing a loved one is normal and expected, but with suicide comes trauma. What is it like to lose someone you love to suicide?Ĭounselors call this kind of grief a complicated grief or a complicated bereavement because grievers are actually dealing with two realities: grief and trauma. Hsu spoke with assistant editor Morgan Lee about the inner conflict of grieving a suicide, the best and worst ways his community responded to his pain, and whether ending one’s own life condemns a Christian to hell. The aftermath of his father’s death sparked Hsu to reflect and research, the results of which found their way into Grieving a Suicide: A Loved One’s Search for Comfort, Answers, and Hope (InterVarsity Press), first published in 2002 and re-released this year. His 58-year-old father was in rough condition after a stroke had left him partially debilitated and gravely depressed. When he heard the news, Hsu and his wife already had plans to visit his parents. Nine months after the InterVarsity Press senior editor got married, he received a phone call from his mother. The overall suicide rate has grown by nearly 30 percent over the past 15 years, prompting some to call it a new public health crisis.Īl Hsu knows this reality personally. In 2015, more than 44,000 Americans died by suicide-one death every 12 minutes, as the Department of Health and Human Services put it.
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